I often smiled to myself when I met someone new to dating apps. The trust, enthusiasm, confusion, naivety… They had no idea what world they’d entered. Should I pretend to be inexperienced too, or offer advice in the deep voice of experience? Neither felt like me. An old prisoner must feel the same when a new face walks through the bars.

A woman new to a dating app is like a chunk of meat thrown into a pool swarming with hungry predators. A man is often the fellow who hopefully casts his line, only for all the fish to swim away. But I don’t want to generalise. A small number of men get torn apart too, and some women experience the same feeling of inadequacy as the average man.

One person grabs their first match like a life ring and starts building a relationship in their head before getting used to being alone. Ignorance of the app’s other options can be a blessing. Or a curse. It can lead to exploitation or unpleasant experiences. Tinder’s worst lunatics are often among the first matches, and they come in both sexes. Another is surprised by the attention. Conquest and popularity feel amazing after a long relationship in which their confidence was ground into the dirt. Many become hooked on that attention, sinking deeper into the search for approval. Finding a new relationship takes a back seat. A third discovers they can’t find the calibre of company they expected and regrets leaving their previous partner. After enough disappointments, they see a problem in others before the first message. They learn to hate dating apps and say so openly on forums. In reality, they’re angry at the other users and themselves. Usually they start begging their ex to come back.

A new user may also be startled when you say how long you’ve been on the apps or how many dates you’ve had. You’re looking at the same world from different points on the timeline. One has just walked through the door; the other already knows the maze. So it’s worth downplaying your experience and app use a little. Treat the new dater with respect and take good care of them. Don’t become their parent; be a peer. A new user is at their most authentic when they arrive. They haven’t yet learned the roles, caution, what to say or which topics to avoid. You’ll get a truer picture of them now than at any later point.

If your paths cross again later, I can promise they won’t be the same person.