Masculine energy was one area where I felt I grew the most during my dating years. I learned to make decisions, suggest dates and be more decisive. I stopped attaching myself to the outcome. Setbacks no longer shattered my ego. I learned to trust the process, brush the dust off after disappointment and move straight on. When a woman saw that my life didn’t depend on her, it created a sense of safety rather than suffocating pressure.
Don’t talk about feminine and masculine energies on a date, though. People usually misunderstand them. The terms are loaded with nonsense, misogyny, misandry and generalisations. Yet understanding these energies can be one of your greatest weapons in dating.
Many men today are too easily led, inconsistent and insecure. Many women have had to build such a thick, hard shell that their hearts no longer seem to open to anyone. The man doesn’t dare lead his own life without a woman, and the woman can’t trust anyone else to carry anything anymore. Then both wonder why attraction disappears.
Masculinity doesn’t mean arrogant confidence, emotional coldness or a man’s inability to touch, listen or be tender. Femininity doesn’t mean helplessness, passivity or waiting like a princess while a prince kills the dragon and comes to rescue her. At its best, the masculine side brings direction, calm and boundaries. The feminine side brings sensitivity, care and an ability to open up. We need both, regardless of gender.
To put it more plainly:
As a man, be a little “harder” when dating. Set boundaries, don’t accept everything immediately, don’t people-please and don’t avoid difficult subjects. Challenge her, but don’t provoke her. Meet the other person even when you differ. That’s what a woman expects, not running away. You need to be worth pursuing, not a foregone conclusion.
As a woman, be “easier”. Pay attention to your tone. Express your feelings, fears and doubts, but do it gently and respectfully. Men are sensitive to condescension, mockery or disrespect. Above all, trust the man until he shows he isn’t worthy of it.
In a good relationship, both people can support and be supported. I’ve heard that described as the very definition of love.