At some point I got a little too full of myself, I’ll admit. I had jumped from a relationship bubble into a single-life bubble where I thought I was something special. For all their negatives, dating apps can do that too. It was wonderful to feel wanted, funny, interesting, even handsome for once. Those weren’t things I’d experienced much in my youth, relationships or working life. It was surprising how far even false confidence could take me in dating. It was a beautiful self-deception, and sometimes I still miss it.
Don’t trust your mirror. You see yourself through your intentions, values and best moments. Others see what you show and represent right now: your expression, your words, your insecurity, your presence. They can’t see what lies deeper underneath.
As encounters accumulate, dating brings that gap into focus better than any other tool. One rejection proves nothing. One admirer proves nothing either. But ten similar reactions in a row stop being coincidence and become information. You start to see a pattern worth listening to. It still says nothing about your worth as a human being, but it says something about the impression you give.
For comfort, everyone else is struggling with their self-image at least as much as you are. Sometimes you meet someone who thinks a little too highly of themselves. At other times you get lucky and date someone who could have anyone but hasn’t realised it. Everyone in dating is looking for themselves, just like you. Understanding that vulnerability opens the door to a deep connection, even on a first date. We’re all in the same boat, and I’ve had wonderful conversations with dates who understood exactly what I was going through. Dare to be the defective item you are. If you end up in a relationship, you’ll be found out sooner or later anyway.
On a large scale, dating is the most honest mirror you’ll ever look into. Use it to grow. If you’re truly brave, ask the other person directly what impression you made.